you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize