Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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