hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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