can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
