i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
