I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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