Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
