I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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