i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
then he tried to convert me to islam
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
