I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
