just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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