Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
