glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
