def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
