I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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