Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
