You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
