They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
