You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
