a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize