i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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