i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
