And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
