I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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