Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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