Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize