Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize