Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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