Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
