that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
