if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
