i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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