once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
