Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
