Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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