Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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