Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
