i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
