Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
