they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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