i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
