does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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