I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
