the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
