Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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