I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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