I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
