I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish you could order shots online.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
