well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
