its not stalking. its research.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
