my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
