..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
