My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How's work?
Spinning.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
