last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize