i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
