Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
