You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
