But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
