party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
