Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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