I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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