He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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