i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
