Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
