I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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