I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
