Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
