What did we do last night that was yellow?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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