Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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