my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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