Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
