So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
