i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
