I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize