My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
