Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
