People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
