Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
