i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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