Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
