My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
