At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
