Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
