mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
