Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sext me about skeletons
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
