Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
