Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
